68.2% of Married Couples in Japan Don't Have Sex!
Japan is experiencing a rise in alternative family structures, including single mothers who choose not to marry and couples opting for sexless marriages by choice.
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What’s new: Confirming similar survey results, a recent large-scale study of about 4,000 couples confirmed that just over 2/3 of Japanese marriages are sexless1.
Why it matters: Such data do not bode well for a country whose population has been shrinking since October 2008 from an estimated high of 128.1 million and could fall to as low as 87 million by around 2070.
Japan's Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced today that the total fertility rate for 2023, which represents the number of children a woman will have in her lifetime, fell by 0.06 points from the previous year to a record low of 1.20. The number of births decreased by 43,482 from the previous year to a record low of 727,277. The total fertility rate by prefecture was 0.99, a record low for Tokyo at less than 1, and all other prefectures showed a year-on-year decline. The "natural increase or decrease" of the population, which is the number of deaths minus the number of births, decreased by 848,659, the largest decrease ever2. A total fertility rate below 2.07 means that the population simply cannot reproduce. In other words, if the current fertility rate continues, it is almost certain that Japan's population will decline in the future.
However, more and more women are choosing to have children without getting married.
Also, for those who want to get married but do not want the commitment of a sexual relationship, new marriage counseling services are emerging to help potential spouses find their ideal partners for "friendship marriages.”
By the numbers: While numerous data points have indicated this trend for decades, the most recent survey results appear to be exceptionally high.
Survey Says: 68.2% of married couples tend not to have sex! Of this group, 43.9% reported a complete lack of sex. Surprisingly, there was no significant difference when narrowed down to those in their 20s to 40s. When limited to those in their 20s to 40s, 64.5% of respondents tend not to have sex, including 37.6% who have no sex at all3. Other earlier studies support these findings, indicating that the percentage of sexless couples is increasing every year, with many surveys showing it to be at least 50-60%4.
Gender Differences: Men are more likely than women to report not having sex with their spouse. 70.1% of married men and 66.2% of married women in their 20s to 50s reported not having sex. Of these, 46.0% of married men and 41.7% of married women reported being "completely sexless.” Men were more likely than women to report being "sexless" in all age groups.
Age Distribution: The number of married couples who are sexless with their spouses increases sharply starting in their 30s. The proportion of respondents in their 20s who are sexless is about 50%, while the proportion in their 30s is as high as 70%. The proportion of men and women who are "completely sexless" is 25.2% and 16.4%, respectively, for men and women in their 20s, but by the time they reach their 30s, the proportion is about 40% for both men and women. More than 70% of married women in their 40s and about 80% of those in their 50s tend to be sexless.
Family Structure: Married couples with children are more likely to be sexless. 71.4% of married couples with children tend to be sexless, compared to 61.2% of those without children, a difference of 10 points.
Global comparison: According to the "Global Sex Survey," a report published in 2008 by birth control manufacturer Durex, Japanese people have sex 48 times a year, the lowest in the world (in the study), far less than half the world average of 103 times a year. Satisfaction with their sex life is also at 24%, far below the world average of 44%. By the way, in case you were curious, Greece is number one with 164 times a year.
Limited Dating Experience: Never mind sex, the Cabinet Office's "2022 White Paper on Gender Equality," reported that "around 40% of men in their 20s have never been on a date."
The Land of Virgins: According to the 2021 Basic Survey on Birth Trends, the percentage of single men aged 18-34 who have never had sex is 44.2% (49.4% for women). In Japanese, such people are often referred to as soshokukei (草食系)5, which literally translates as "herbivorous" but essentially means not "hunting" for opportunities to have sex. It is part of the larger trend of sekkusu banare (セックス離れ), which means "becoming less sexually active.”
Alternatives to Marriage for Those Who Still Want Children: Over the past 20 years, the percentage of "never-married mothers" in single-mother households has doubled. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare's National Survey of Single-Parent Households, etc., the percentage of people falling into the "never married" category as a reason for being a single-mother household has increased from about 6% in 2003 (divorce accounted for about 80% and bereavement for 12%) to about 11% in 2021.
Role of Sperm Banks: More and more women are choosing to have children without getting married by using overseas sperm banks. In fact, about half of such users are single. Since February 2019, when the Japanese branch opened, more than 500 women in Japan have received sperm donations through Cryos International, the world's largest sperm and egg bank based in Denmark. About half of them are single women or single mothers who have chosen to be single. The same applies to the European users of Cryos, about 50% of whom are single women. The rest of the users are married couples (30-40%) and same-sex couples (10-20%) in Japan, but in Europe this ratio is reversed, with same-sex couples outnumbering married couples. In Europe, the typical customer is a highly educated and well-paid career woman, but this is not the case in Japan.
What’s happening: Some people want to get married but do not want the commitment of having sex with their partner. This need has led to the development of a cottage industry of counseling services, such as Colorus, that help potential marriage partners find suitable mates.
State of play: Before we dive in, it is helpful to review some definitions.
Love Marriage: This type of marriage is based on romantic love, passion, and a deep emotional connection. The partners are attracted to each other and want to share their lives together. Sex usually plays an important role.
Friendship Marriage: A "friendship marriage" is a marriage between two people who are not in a romantic relationship, but who agree on their ideas, compatibility, conditions, etc. Even without sexual love, they have a win-win relationship based on various feelings such as friendship and affection. Here, the core is a strong friendship, mutual respect, and trust. Couples may or may not have a strong romantic component, but they value their partner's companionship and support.
Go deeper: Founded in 2014 with offices in Tokyo and Osaka, Friendship Marriage Counseling Service Colorus (友情結婚相談所カラーズ) positions itself as "Japan's first and only marriage agency for those who wish to have 'non-love marriages,' such as friendship marriages, symbiotic marriages6, and contract marriages."
Their slogan is renai ja nai, kekkon nara (恋愛じゃない、結婚なら), which translates as "Not love. If (you’re going to get) married."
The company claims that its experienced counselors help match potential mates nationwide and are available for online consultation and dating support. They also help coordinate marriage preparations. Of course, it's not free. While there is no charge for the initial consultation, Colorus charges a one-time registration fee of 30,000 yen (about $193) and a monthly subscription fee of 15,000 yen (just under $100). Marriage preparation costs 300,000 yen ($1,931).
After 10 years in business, Colorus claims to have helped 544 people get married, with a success rate of 43.9%. According to their website, Colorus currently has 271 active clients. While these numbers may not seem significant, given the relatively low number of marriages in Japan, every successful match counts.
The Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section of the Colorus website highlights many common questions from newcomers.
Q1: I want to have a child without intercourse. What should I do?
A1: Friendship marriages use non-sexual methods (injection method, artificial insemination, etc.) to achieve fertility.
Q2: It seems like you have a relatively small number of registered members. Can I really meet someone?
A2: Although there are individual differences depending on your conditions and desires, our marriage rate is over 40%. Thus, the possibility of meeting someone is quite high. With one of the highest marriage rates in the match-making industry, we provide high quality matches.
Q3: Can I still join if my sexuality is unknown?
A3: You can join if you think you cannot or will not have sexual intercourse with your spouse. Many people, especially women, say, "I'm not sure about my sexuality.” If you received the result of "friendship marriage is recommended" in our suitability assessment, friendship marriage may be an option for you.
Q4: Can I still be an active member if I live in a rural area?
A4: Of course you can. The first and second places in the Colorus marriage rate rankings are outside the Tokyo metropolitan area! By the way, Tokyo residents are only ranked 3rd for men and 4th for women. Please see our blog for more details.
Colorus characterizes a significant number of their clients as identifying as "LGBTQ+ and other sexual minorities who are unable to engage in 'sexual activity' with the opposite sex, have an aversion to being seen as romantic/sexual objects, or have other difficulties considering marriage through love.”
The firm is quite inclusive about why their clients might want a friendship marriage.
"The reasons for wanting to get married vary from person to person. The logic is not much different from general reasoning. For example, 'I want a partner, family and children,' 'I am lonely and afraid of being alone for the rest of my life,' and 'Because of parental pressure, public image and career.'" - Colorus website
Commentary: The signs of Japan's aging and declining population are beginning to show in many ways. Especially from my perspective, living in a rural area in the southwestern part of the country, it seems that at least my area was designed and built for many more people than currently live here. (Having lived and worked in downtown Tokyo for more than 25 years, however, I understand that a visitor to the nation's capital would not necessarily get the same impression.)
The bottom line is that something, or rather a series of things, needs to be done to arrest the rate of population decline in order to maintain a decent standard of living and quality of life, and to prevent Japan from losing its relevance as anything other than a prime tourist destination.
If adopting a more inclusive attitude toward changing the conventional wisdom that a so-called "traditional marriage" is not the only way to ensure happiness and ultimately encourage both sexless couples and single-parent households to raise children, then I am in favor of such an approach.
I also feel that it would be an oversimplification to attribute the causes of social problems such as the declining birthrate solely to "herbivorous men." It is said that such men are tired of settling down and getting married because of economic instability, increasing gender equality, which is a good thing, and an overall greater emphasis on cooperation rather than competition. While all of these factors may indeed be true, I certainly hope that Japan's legions of young men and women who are considered "herbivorous" can learn from their Greek counterparts (just kidding) and regain their appetite for some “red meat,” which could lead to a revived interest in shagging, figuratively speaking.
What do you think? What do you think about marriage without sex? All answers are completely anonymous, even to the author.
Links to Japanese Sources: 厚生労働省・令和４年(2022) 人口動態統計月報年計(概数）の概況、https://www.colorusfsb.com/、https://president.jp/articles/-/71249、https://prtimes.jp/main/html/rd/p/000000012.000104522.html、https://mainichi.jp/articles/20240605/k00/00m/040/023000c#、 and https://news.yahoo.co.jp/expert/articles/82b11a524bcd3672f43034b1214154d8fce4497f.
#marriage #FriendshipMarriage #LoveMarriage #MarriageofConvenience #TotalFertilityRate #SymbioticMarriage #sexless #友情結婚 #恋愛結婚 #結婚 #カラーズ #ひとり親家庭 #合計特殊出生率 #友情結婚相談所カラーズ #共生婚 #契約結婚 #セックスレス #セックスレス夫婦 #セックス離れ #草食系 #草食系男子
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According to the definition of the Japanese Society of Sexology (1994), a “sexless couple” is defined as “a couple who has not had sexual contact for one month or more,” but one month seems to be too short a period of time to fit the actual situation.
The total fertility rate in 2011 was below 1.23, which was estimated to be the “bottom” in the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research's population projection (mid-level projection). The number of births was at the same level as in the previous year, and the birthrate is declining at a pace 10 years faster than in the previous year. The total fertility rate is expected to increase slightly in the future, but it is still far below the 2.07 milestone needed to maintain the population. The total fertility rate was 1.26 in 2005, the lowest ever recorded at that time, and although it recovered to 1.45 in 2003, it has been declining for eight consecutive years since 2004. The largest decrease was in the 25-29 age group.
By prefecture, after Tokyo, Hokkaido (1.06) and Miyagi Prefecture (1.07) were the next lowest. The highest was in Okinawa Prefecture (1.60), followed by Miyazaki, and Nagasaki Prefectures (both 1.49).
The number of marriages decreased by 30,213 over the previous year to 474,717, falling below 500,000 for the first time in the postwar period. The number of divorces increased by 4,709 over the previous year to 183,808.
The number of deaths increased by 6,886 over the previous year to a record 1,575,936. The top three causes of death were cancer 24.3% (382,492), heart disease 14.7% (231,056), and senility 12.1% (189,912). Deaths due to Covid accounted for 2.4% (30,8080), down from 47,638 the previous year.
A government official speculated that various factors, including economic instability and the difficulty of balancing work and child-rearing, may be contributing to the declining birthrate.
Raison d'etre K.K. (Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo) conducted a survey (夫婦のセックスレスに関する実態調査) on sexlessness among 4,000 married men and women in their 20s to 50s in October 2023. This is the largest and most recent survey on sexlessness in Japan (as of November 2023).
The largest sexless survey implemented before the Raison d'etre K.K. study was the 4th Japan Family Planning Association (日本家族計画協会) Japan Sex Survey 2020, conducted by the Japan Family Planning Association and others among 2,918 men and women aged 20-49. That survey found that 51.9% of married couples were sexless.
The opposite is nikushokukei (肉食系), which literally means "carnivorous," but refers to a person who is aggressive in matters of love, marriage, and work.
In recent years, attention has focused on "symbiotic marriage," called kyoseikon (共生婚) in Japanese, a style of marriage in which married couples live in separate rooms, eat together, and have separate wallets. This new style of marriage has emerged as a result of changes in the social environment, such as the trend toward later marriage and the diversification of work styles.
great news for me, as it increases the pool of unfullfilled housewives .from my over two decade whoring experience in Japan, a significant percentage of these women have never had an orgasm, so they dont know what theyre missing. But once I provide these sexless housewives with an orgasm, once i have their pituitary glands flood their brains with oxytocin, its over, and they become my stalkers. the problem is these shoushoku danshi japanese men, these herbivore japanese men, who are useless sexually. That is the narrative from literally every japanese woman I've bedded. Unfortunately, my black passenger days are behind me. And as such, I have only one or two housewives, as opposed to ten or so. Priorities have changed: I'm raising a daughter now, thats what i live for now. Plus, at 60, my libido has nosedived. Most men would freak out. But for me? Hallelujah? I can get projects done now. But I miss the black passenger days sometimes. Especially when the housewives at my daughter's kindergarten complain to me about how mura mura they are and how useless their husbands are.
Those AI images are really scary.